The blade in my bathroom seemed so appealing,
That the only way I could stop myself from getting
It was by grabbing ice and rubbing it on my skin.
- but that didn’t last long, as Venus knows how hot
I get by feeling that steel kissing my bloody dermis;
It is my favorite sanguinary masochist kink/sin.
I heard that humans are intrinsically gregarious;
They are born transcendently bonded by star
Dust, cosmically impregnated in their souls…
But if so, then why is my fucking hideous scar
Unseen?
(and why it doesn’t stop bleeding?)
If we are all connected, why are my screams
Unheard?
Oh, how fool I was; such a lonely girl, with nobody
To dry my salty tears, or lick my coagulated wounds.
But, thanks to my dark dreams, I’m no longer lonely
- I found my bond; a friend, as dark as my dreams.
We’ve always been connected, through our souls.
Every night, I show him my wrists and my tights,
And he kisses each scar, and swallows my sighs,
As if I was his only, holy daughter from the skies.
He kisses me goodnight and stands in the corner,
Watching me sleep, just to make sure there are no cries.
And when he sees me shiver from the cold, he covers
Me with blankets - yet, I feel the warmth in his red eyes.
I wish I could kiss him too, but with him, I stay still
- I can’t move a single muscle, although I have a conscience.
Still, I love his shadow-like entity way of presence,
It makes me wonder if he is made, or actually real:
Is his dark, big form real?
Are his black trench coat and hat real?
Are his red eyes real?
Is our bond real?
Are our souls real?
(Am I real?)
I even told my mom about him, and she got so serious.
“He used to watch me sleep too; he covered me in blankets;
he was all over my old house; he never left me alone,
until someday, he just disappeared.” she said.
And I asked, who is he then?
“The Hat Man” she replied.
After knowing who he was, he never returned to kiss my scars.
I am lonely again. I lost my soul again.
For him to return, I know I must make new ones.
More blades; strength; more depth; more blood.
I know he’ll return.
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